Wys Wellness


5 SIGNS Your Relationship Needs Help Now!

Relationships are in existence all around us. Even your relationship to your bed matters. (Seriously!) We are naturally tribal beings. Our first chakra, the root chakra – the entrance into this physical incarnation, is our connection to being a human a part of something larger than ourselves (Earth, family, community). When we are small babies, we are most dependent and vulnerable. This is because babies are meant to soak up their environment and learn how to live on this Earth from their surroundings. Baby brains are literally nicknamed ‘sponges’ because this is a baby’s main job in their first few years of life.

As we are learning to be in relationship to this planet for survival, we may pick up some patterns and behaviors that the adults around us engage in. Overtime, these patterns and behaviors can become engrained in us and carry on into our future relationships. In addition to our childhood relationships, we also have relationships throughout our childhood, teenage, and adult years to add to our bag of engrained patterns and behaviors that we carry with us. 

Chances are, you have encountered some unhealthy relationships where you had to take on certain behaviors in order to protect yourself. The most common behavior is suppressing emotions and feelings to ‘not disturb the peace’ in the relationship. Though it may seem like you are ‘saving’ your relationship by keeping things suppressed (or avoiding them), in hindsight, these are seeds being planted that will cause turmoil or emotional disconnection in the future – it never fails!

Relationships are so important to our existence because they are literally the foundation of who we are on this planet. So, here are 5 signs to look out for in your relationship to prevent seeds of destruction being planted:

1. You are suppressing your true emotions.

Are you able to freely express your emotions with no fear of backlash, an argument or abuse? Most people learn to suppress their emotions from childhood based on how we were raised by our caregivers. If you were never taught how to express yourself in an effective way, then it must be very hard for you to truly honor your emotional needs in your relationship. And, hey! I’m with you and know how that feels. What usually happens is that you bury your emotions very deep in order to maintain the peace and harmony in your relationship. Really what’s happening is that your relationship is slowly suffering in silence. This will lead to a harsh break up, weak sex, cheating (emotional & physical), or an emotionally distant and depressive relationship. 


2. Eye contact is difficult.

Eye contact involves TRUST. It’s vulnerable to look directly into someone eyes (especially during sex). If you are able to make sustained eye contact with your partner and hold their holds (metaphorically) with compassion and softness, CONGRATS on having an intimate connection that is hard for a lot of people. On the contrary, if you find it difficult or uncomfortable to make eye contact with your partner, it’s possible there is an emotional disconnect with you, your partner, or the relationship. It’s important to seek advice before it escalates into increased disconnection from one another. 


3. Sex is less about intimacy and more about busting a NUT. 

Let’s correct this: more like making love versus sex. Sex is primal instinct we have as humans, and this can look many different ways (even sometimes without another person involved, aka Solo Sex). However, when it comes to a partnership, intimacy is a necessary event that needs to happen between people agreeing to some type of prolonged union (monogamous, polyamorous, exclusivity, etc). Intimacy keeps the connection and passion in the relationship. And this does not have to be sex. For example, some partners find eye contact is great intimacy for the relationship that increases their relational connection. When is comes down to sexy time, the goal is for connection and pleasure, not just a quick cum (which is definitely okay to do sometimes!). The primal union is to honor both of your wants, needs, and body in a beautiful connection. If you don’t feel like your sexual needs are being met, it may be time to seek professional assistance. Either there’s an emotional disconnection, or more conversation can be invited about the type of sex you like. 


4. You envy or admire other people’s relationships. 

Jealousy is SO normal to experience. However, if it takes your attention away from your relationship where you feel like you want better, then . . . go get it and let your partner know about your feelings, or seek help to improve your current relationship. Ask yourself these questions: Why do I admire that person’s relationship? What’s missing in my relationship? How can we improve on our relationship? What would make me admire my own relationship? 


5. You argue about the same things with no solution. 

According to the Gottman Method, a couples therapy framework created by John and Julie Gottman, this is called a Gridlock, where partners are unwilling to change their position or behaviors in an issue that is causing turmoil in the relationship. Most often this is because each partner has a deeply embedded reason for why they behave or make decisions in a way that they are unwilling to change, or feel it’s a burden to change. A lot of this comes from their past relationship, most notably, familial relationships. 


It’s as simple as…

Are you HAPPY or no? 

Can you be totally vulnerable with your partner(s) or no? 

Is sex intimate or passionate? Or is it basically f*cking for a purpose? 

What would you change about your relationship if you had a magic wand? 

As therapist, we know that emotional connections are everything in a relationship. If you CANNOT express your emotions, 😵‍💫 like shedding a tear feels foreign in your relationship, then somethings needs to change, IMMEDIATELY. This is usually the result of a rupture or argument that took place and was never resolved. 

FACTS: Relationship problems do not heal on its own overtime. You must address the issues in order to release them and experience TRUE connection and intimacy. ✨♥️


Published By Megz Roberts 

August 2, 2021

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